Even God Has Prodigals

What is this page about?

The man who writes this site heard a sermon. A sermon is a talk given in church.

The sermon was about one verse in the Bible book called Proverbs.

Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6 · World English Bible

In simple words: Teach a child the right way to live. Then when he is old he will not leave it.

The writer of this site made notes. This is what he says about the sermon. The preacher told parents to expect “fruits” in their children. Fruits means good results. He tied the fruits to four things. Get up early. Discipline your children. Keep control. Keep them away from bad friends.

The writer says the sermon had a short saying: “deep father, deep family”. It means this: if the father is close to God, the family will be close to God.

This page does not name the preacher. It has only a listener’s notes. It tests the idea. It does not judge the man.

There are two ways to read the verse. This page gives them short names.

Both ways tell parents to teach their children. They do not agree about one thing. What does it mean when a grown child stops believing?

Eight points

1. A proverb is a wise saying. It tells what usually happens. It is not a promise.
2. The old Hebrew words say “his way”. The word “should” is not there.
3. The book of Proverbs knows that some sons will not listen. The man who wrote the proverbs left God when he was old.
4. God did everything on the preacher’s list. He taught his children. He got up early. And his children still left him.
5. The Bible blames a parent who does nothing. It does not blame a parent only because the child went wrong.
6. The preacher’s list is not in the verse. It comes from other places. The Bible puts a limit on each thing.
7. Long ago, teachers read the verse as a wise saying. They said it does not always come true.
8. Parents must still teach their children. And there is still hope for a child who has left.

What kind of sentence is a proverb?

The Bible has many kinds of writing. It has laws, songs, letters and stories. We do not read them all in the same way.

Our verse comes from the book of Proverbs. A proverb is a short, wise saying. It tells what usually happens, so that people can live well.

Here are two verses from Proverbs. They stand next to each other.

Don’t answer a fool according to his folly, lest you also be like him. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes.

Proverbs 26:4–5 · World English Bible

In simple words: Do not answer a foolish man in his own foolish way, or you will be like him. Answer a foolish man in his own way, or he will think he is wise.

The first verse says, “Do not answer him.” The second says, “Answer him.” Both are true, at different times. A wise person learns which one fits today.

A book of promises could not have both verses. A book of wise sayings needs both.

Now look at a verse very near to ours. It comes two verses before.

The result of humility and the fear of Yahweh is wealth, honor, and life.

Proverbs 22:4 · World English Bible

In simple words: If you are humble and you respect God, you will have money, a good name and a long life.

This is usually true. People who are humble and respect God often live better lives. But it is not always true. Paul and the other apostles respected God. Paul wrote this about them:

Even to this present hour we hunger, thirst, are naked, are beaten, and have no certain dwelling place.

1 Corinthians 4:11 · World English Bible

In simple words: Even now we are hungry and thirsty. We have poor clothes. People beat us. We have no home.

Nobody reads Proverbs 22:4 and says, “A poor Christian must be proud.” So we should not read verse 6 as a fixed rule either.

Proverbs gives a warning about its own sayings.

Like a thorn bush that goes into the hand of a drunkard, so is a parable in the mouth of fools.

Proverbs 26:9 · World English Bible

In simple words: A wise saying in the mouth of a foolish man is like a thorn bush in the hand of a drunk man.

A drunk man with a thorn bush hurts the people near him. A true saying can hurt people too, if it is used in the wrong way.

There are three kinds of sentence here. It is easy to mix them up.

Our verse has two halves. The first half is a command: “Train up a child.” The second half tells what usually happens.

What the Hebrew words say

Proverbs was first written in the Hebrew language. In English the verse says “in the way he should go”. But the Hebrew words say “according to his way”.

There is no word for “should” in the Hebrew.

An old English Bible from the year 1611 has a small note beside this verse. The note says: “Heb. in his way”. “Heb.” is short for Hebrew.

So what does “his way” mean? People have read it in different ways.

• The right way, the way he ought to go.
• The way that fits this child, because each child is different.
• The way that fits his age.
• The way of life he will have as a grown man.
• His own way, the way he wants. Then the verse is a warning. If you let a child do what he likes, he will never change.

Most English Bibles take the first meaning. It may be right. But not one of these meanings makes the verse a promise that always comes true.

The old Bibles in other languages are interesting.

• The oldest Greek Bibles do not have this verse at all.
• The old Latin Bible was used for 1,000 years. It starts the verse with the words “It is a proverb”.
• About 900 years ago a great Jewish teacher called Rashi explained the verse. He wrote: “According to what you teach a child and train him in matters, either for good or bad, even when he grows old, he will not turn away from it”.

Look at Rashi’s words: “either for good or bad”. He read the verse as a saying about habits. What a child learns when he is young, he keeps. That is true of good things and of bad things.

The son who may not listen

Who is the book of Proverbs speaking to? Most of the time it speaks to a son.

My son, listen to your father’s instruction, and don’t forsake your mother’s teaching.

Proverbs 1:8 · World English Bible

In simple words: My son, listen to what your father teaches you. Do not leave what your mother teaches you.

The words “my son” come many times. And the father often says “if”.

My son, if you will receive my words … then you will understand the fear of Yahweh

Proverbs 2:1–5 · World English Bible

In simple words: My son, if you take in my words, then you will learn to respect God.

The father has done the teaching. Now the son must choose.

The book knows that some sons will not listen.

A fool despises his father’s correction

Proverbs 15:5 · World English Bible

In simple words: A foolish son hates it when his father corrects him.

A foolish son brings grief to his father, and bitterness to her who bore him.

Proverbs 17:25 · World English Bible

In simple words: A foolish son makes his father sad. He brings pain to his mother.

In these verses the father did teach. The son would not learn. The book calls the son foolish. It does not blame the father.

If our verse were a promise, these sad verses could not be in the same book.

Proverbs also speaks to parents

The book does blame parents who do nothing.

The rod of correction gives wisdom, but a child left to himself causes shame to his mother.

Proverbs 29:15 · World English Bible

In simple words: Correcting a child makes him wise. A child who is left alone to do as he likes brings shame to his mother.

So Proverbs says two things. A parent who leaves a child alone has failed him. And a child who was taught may still throw the teaching away. Both things are true.

The man who wrote the proverbs

The book of Proverbs has the name of King Solomon on it. Solomon was taught well. His father was King David. Solomon says:

For I was a son to my father … He taught me

Proverbs 4:3–4 · World English Bible

In simple words: I was my father’s son. He taught me.

But read what happened later.

When Solomon was old, his wives turned away his heart after other gods

1 Kings 11:4 · World English Bible

In simple words: When Solomon was old, his wives turned his heart to other gods.

Our verse says “when he is old”. This verse says “when Solomon was old”. Solomon was taught the right way by a good father. When he was old, he left it.

Even God has prodigals

This is the most important part of the page.

The formula says: do it right, and the child will stay. So let us look for a father who did everything right. The Bible shows us one. He is God.

In the Old Testament, God calls the people of Israel his son.

When Israel was a child, then I loved him, and called my son out of Egypt.

Hosea 11:1 · World English Bible

In simple words: When Israel was young, I loved him. I called my son out of Egypt.

God taught his people, as a father teaches a small child to walk.

Yet I taught Ephraim to walk. I took them by his arms

Hosea 11:3 · World English Bible

In simple words: I taught my people to walk. I held them by the arms.

Ephraim is another name for the people of Israel.

Now read what God says about these children.

Hear, heavens, and listen, earth; for Yahweh has spoken: “I have nourished and brought up children and they have rebelled against me.

Isaiah 1:2 · World English Bible

In simple words: Listen, sky and earth. God says: I fed my children and brought them up. And they turned against me.

The preacher’s list

Now take the preacher’s list. Did God do each thing?

Get up early. In the Bible, God says he did this.

Although I taught them, rising up early and teaching them, yet they have not listened to receive instruction.

Jeremiah 32:33 · World English Bible

In simple words: I taught them. I got up early to teach them. But they did not listen and did not learn.

Discipline. God corrected his children.

I have struck your children in vain. They received no correction.

Jeremiah 2:30 · World English Bible

In simple words: I punished your children, but it did no good. They did not change.

Keep them from bad friends. God kept his people apart from other nations.

You shall be holy to me, for I, Yahweh, am holy, and have set you apart from the peoples, that you should be mine.

Leviticus 20:26 · World English Bible

In simple words: You must be holy, because I am holy. I have set you apart from other peoples, so that you will be mine.

Expect fruit. God says his people were like a garden of grape vines that he planted.

He looked for it to yield grapes, but it yielded wild grapes.

Isaiah 5:2 · World English Bible

In simple words: He looked for good grapes. But it gave only bad, wild grapes.

Then God asks a question. Every parent of a prodigal asks the same question.

What could have been done more to my vineyard, that I have not done in it?

Isaiah 5:4 · World English Bible

In simple words: What more could I have done for my garden? I did everything.

For God the answer is: nothing more. He did everything right. A church teacher called John Calvin wrote about this. He said that God “in every sort of kindness towards them … had, as it were, exhausted himself”. In simple words: God gave them every kind of care, and held nothing back.

The story Jesus told

Jesus told a story about a father with two sons. The younger son took his money, went far away, and wasted it. Nobody in the story blames the father.

The father had trouble with his other son too. The older son stayed at home. But when the father made a party, this is what happened:

But he was angry, and would not go in. Therefore his father came out, and begged him.

Luke 15:28 · World English Bible

In simple words: The older son was angry. He would not go in. So his father came out and begged him.

Jesus told this story to show how God welcomes sinners. He did not tell it to teach parents. But it is a picture of God as a father. In the picture, the father is good, and one son still leaves.

The families in the Bible

Now look at some fathers in the Bible.

Eli and Samuel

Eli was a priest. His sons did very bad things. Eli spoke to them, but he did nothing more. God judged Eli, and God gave the reason.

his sons brought a curse on themselves, and he didn’t restrain them.

1 Samuel 3:13 · World English Bible

In simple words: His sons did evil, and he did not stop them.

So the Bible does blame a parent who knows and does nothing.

Samuel was a great prophet. A prophet is a person who speaks for God. Samuel grew up in Eli’s house. When Samuel was old, his own sons went wrong.

His sons didn’t walk in his ways, but turned away after dishonest gain, took bribes, and perverted justice.

1 Samuel 8:3 · World English Bible

In simple words: His sons did not live as he lived. They loved money. People paid them to judge unfairly.

After this, God spoke to Samuel for a long time. God did not blame Samuel as a father.

Put Eli and Samuel side by side. In both families the sons went wrong. But only Eli is blamed. And the Bible says why: he knew, and he did not stop them.

Matthew Henry was a Bible teacher. He wrote about Samuel’s sons in the year 1708. He said: “Those that have the most grace themselves cannot give grace to their children”. In simple words: even the best Christian cannot put faith into his child.

The kings

The Bible speaks of eight kings of Judah who did what was right. Four of them had a son who did right. Four of them had a son who did evil.

The two best kings were Hezekiah and Josiah. Hezekiah’s father was a bad king. Hezekiah’s son was a bad king. It was the same with Josiah. His father was bad, and his sons were bad.

If “deep father, deep family” were a fixed rule, these two families would be the best in the Bible. They were not.

Each person answers for himself

God gave a rule through a prophet called Ezekiel.

The son shall not bear the iniquity of the father, neither shall the father bear the iniquity of the son.

Ezekiel 18:20 · World English Bible

In simple words: The son will not be blamed for his father’s sin. The father will not be blamed for his son’s sin.

The other side

Some Bible verses seem to help the formula. It is fair to look at them.

Eli

A father was judged because of his sons. That is true. It shows that parents must not leave their children alone. But it does not show that every child who goes wrong had a bad parent. Samuel is in the same book.

Church leaders

Paul says what kind of man can be a church leader.

one who rules his own house well, having children in subjection with all reverence

1 Timothy 3:4 · World English Bible

In simple words: He must lead his own family well. His children must obey him and show respect.

So a man’s family does matter. But look closely. This verse is about children who live at home, under their father. It is about who is fit for a job in the church. It is not about grown children who live their own lives.

And the rule tells us something. Paul says to check a good man’s children. So a good man can have children who do not obey. If good fathers always had good children, nobody would need to check.

God’s promises

God does make promises about children.

For the promise is to you, and to your children, and to all who are far off, even as many as the Lord our God will call to himself.

Acts 2:39 · World English Bible

In simple words: This promise is for you and for your children. It is for people far away too. It is for everyone God calls.

This is a good reason to pray for a child and to hope. But it is a promise about what God does. It is not pay for getting up early.

What follows, and what does not

One thing is sure. A parent who does nothing for his child must answer for it.

The formula needs a different thing. A child who goes wrong proves that the parent did nothing. That does not follow.

Think of rain. Rain makes the street wet. But a wet street does not prove that it rained. Maybe someone washed a car.

What the verse does not say

The preacher tied the fruits to four things. Get up early. Discipline. Keep control. Keep away from bad friends.

The verse does not speak of any of them. It says to train a child. It does not say how.

The four things are not wrong. But see what the rest of the Bible says about each one.

Getting up early. A psalm about children says this:

It is vain for you to rise up early … Behold, children are a heritage of Yahweh.

Psalm 127:2–3 · World English Bible

In simple words: It is no use getting up early, if God is not in it. Children are a gift from God.

Discipline. The Bible tells parents to correct their children. It also sets a limit.

Fathers, don’t provoke your children, so that they won’t be discouraged.

Colossians 3:21 · World English Bible

In simple words: Fathers, do not make your children angry, or they will lose heart.

Control. Parents do lead their children. But no verse says that control makes a child believe. In the story Jesus told, the son asks for his money. The father gives it and lets him go.

Bad friends. This is wise advice.

One who walks with wise men grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.

Proverbs 13:20 · World English Bible

In simple words: If you walk with wise people, you will grow wise. If you keep company with foolish people, you will be hurt.

But Judas was with Jesus for three years. That was the best company in the world. And Judas still turned against him.

Whose fruit is it?

The preacher spoke of “fruits”. In the Bible, fruit grows in a person’s own life.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness, and self-control.

Galatians 5:22–23 · World English Bible

In simple words: When God’s Spirit works in a person, these things grow in him: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, gentleness and self-control.

A child has his own way and his own fruit. Proverbs says this about people who would not listen:

Therefore they will eat of the fruit of their own way

Proverbs 1:31 · World English Bible

In simple words: So they will get the results of their own way of life.

And nobody can make a seed grow. Paul said:

I planted. Apollos watered. But God gave the increase.

1 Corinthians 3:6 · World English Bible

In simple words: I planted the seed. Apollos gave it water. But God made it grow.

How people read it long ago

Some people think the promise is the old way to read this verse. They think the careful way is new. It is the other way round.

Matthew Poole was a Bible teacher. In 1683 he wrote that proverbs like this one “are not to be understood as if they were universally and necessarily true”. In simple words: do not think they are true every time, with no exceptions.

Matthew Henry wrote in 1710.

Many indeed have departed from the good way in which they were trained up; Solomon himself did so. But early training may be a means of their recovering themselves, as it is supposed Solomon did. At least the parents will have the comfort of having done their duty and used the means.

Matthew Henry, 1710

In simple words: Many people have left the good way they were taught. Solomon did. But what they learned when young may help them to come back. And the parents can be glad that they did what they should.

John Wesley preached on this verse in 1783. He said: “It is a general, though not an universal, promise”. In simple words: it is usually true, but not always.

Then, in 1846, a writer called Charles Bridges wrote something different. He said: “If then the promise is not fulfilled, it is because the duty is not performed”. In simple words: if the child does not stay, the parents did not do their work.

Bridges was a good man. He wanted to help tired parents. But put his words next to Henry’s words. Henry says: if your child leaves, be glad that you did your duty. Bridges says: if your child leaves, you did not do your duty.

So the formula is the newer idea.

If your grown child has left

A promise with no exceptions has a hard side. If the teaching always works, then a child who leaves proves there was no teaching. A preacher may never say this. But the parents will think it.

The friends of Jesus once thought this way about a blind man.

“Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?” Jesus answered, “This man didn’t sin, nor did his parents

John 9:2–3 · World English Bible

In simple words: They asked, “Teacher, who sinned? Was it this man, or his parents?” Jesus said, “It was not this man, and it was not his parents.”

Maybe you have a grown son or daughter who does not believe now. Here are five things for you.

You were told to teach your child. If you did, you obeyed God. What your child did later does not change that.

You were not a perfect parent. No parent is. But there is forgiveness.

If you, Yah, kept a record of sins, Lord, who could stand? But there is forgiveness with you

Psalm 130:3–4 · World English Bible

In simple words: Lord, if you kept a list of sins, nobody could stand before you. But you forgive.

“Yah” is a short form of God’s name.

Your child is a person. He is not a mark for your work. He will answer to God for himself.

So then each one of us will give account of himself to God.

Romans 14:12 · World English Bible

In simple words: Each of us will answer to God for himself.

What you taught is still in him. In the story Jesus told, the son was far away and hungry. Then he remembered his father’s house.

But when he came to himself he said, ‘How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough to spare, and I’m dying with hunger!

Luke 15:17 · World English Bible

In simple words: Then he began to think clearly. He said, “My father’s workers have plenty of food. And I am dying of hunger here.”

God has not stopped looking. Jesus said that God is like a shepherd with 100 sheep. One is lost. The shepherd goes after it “until he found it” (Luke 15:4). And when the son in the story came home, this is what the father did:

But while he was still far off, his father saw him, and was moved with compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him.

Luke 15:20 · World English Bible

In simple words: The son was still far away. But his father saw him. He was full of love. He ran to his son, put his arms round him and kissed him.

The father saw him when he was still far off. So the father was watching the road.

Check it yourself

1. Read Proverbs 22:1-16. Look at the verses near verse 6. Are they promises that always come true?
2. Read Isaiah 1:2-4 and Isaiah 5:1-7. What did God do for his children? What did they do?
3. Read 1 Samuel 3:11-14 and 1 Samuel 8:1-7. Why is Eli blamed? Is Samuel blamed?
4. Read Luke 15, the whole chapter. Does anyone in the story blame the father?
5. Think of two parents you know whose grown child has left the faith. What have you thought about them? What could you say to them now?