Let the Dead Bury Their Own Dead?

What is this page about?

A man says to Jesus:

Lord, allow me first to go and bury my father.

Matthew 8:21 · World English Bible

In simple words: Lord, let me go first and bury my father.

Jesus answers:

Follow me, and leave the dead to bury their own dead.

Matthew 8:22 · World English Bible

In simple words: Follow me. Let the dead bury their own dead.

Luke tells the same story (Luke 9:59-60).

People sometimes use this sentence to argue that the service of God comes before the care of your parents. Think of a busy minister with an old mother, or a church helper with a lonely father. In this view, the parent must simply take second place to the work.

There are two ways to get this wrong. One way makes the sentence a permission to forget your family. The other way makes the sentence so soft that it means nothing. This page tries to avoid both.

Put the verse back in its place

A verse alone can be made to say almost anything. So read it with the verses around it.

Start with the sentence alone: “Let the dead bury their own dead.” Like this, it is only a slogan. A person can use it for almost anything. Family duties are not important. Relatives who do not believe are “dead”. God’s work is always above the home. This is how people usually quote it, and in this form it does the most harm.

Now add the verses around it.

1. Jesus was leaving at that very moment. In Matthew, Jesus has just given the order to cross the lake (Matthew 8:18). In the next verse, his disciples follow him into the boat. “Follow me” means: into that boat, today. In Luke, Jesus has decided firmly to go to Jerusalem (Luke 9:51). There he will die.

2. The important word is “first”. The man did not ask, “Should I honour my father?” He asked if that could come before following Jesus. In Luke, a second man also says “first”: let me first say goodbye to the people at home.

3. In Luke, Jesus called the man. Jesus spoke first: “Follow me!” (Luke 9:59) And he gave the man a work: “you go and announce God’s Kingdom” (Luke 9:60).

4. It is truly hard. Long before, the prophet Elijah called Elisha. Elisha asked to kiss his parents goodbye first, and Elijah let him (1 Kings 19:20). Jesus asks for more than Elijah did. Nothing here makes the sentence soft.

Was the father dead or alive?

Nobody knows. There are three serious ways to read it.

1. He had just died. The man wanted the day free for the funeral. This is the plain meaning of the words. It is also the most shocking reading. For a Jewish son, to bury his father was one of the most holy duties.
2. He had died months before. The man wanted to stay at home for the second part of the burial. In the time of Jesus, about a year after a death, the family put the bones into a stone box. So this could mean a delay of a year.
3. He was still alive. The man meant, “Let me stay at home until he dies.” One writer from long ago read it this way. And in parts of the Middle East people use the words like this today. But there is little proof that people used them like this in the first century.

These things are true in every reading:

• Jesus refuses a delay.
• He never tells a son to stop supporting a parent who depends on him.
• His words “leave the dead to bury their own dead” expect that someone else will do the burying.

What the same Jesus said and did

He spoke against people who used religion to stop supporting their parents

In his time, a man could say that his money was “Corban”. This word means “given to God”. After that, he did not have to help his parents with that money.

But you say, ‘If a man tells his father or his mother, “Whatever profit you might have received from me is Corban,” ‘ “ that is to say, given to God, “then you no longer allow him to do anything for his father or his mother, making void the word of God by your tradition

Mark 7:11–13 · World English Bible

In simple words: But you say this. A man can tell his father or mother, “The help you could have had from me is Corban.” (That means: given to God.) Then you do not let him do anything more for his father or mother. In this way your tradition makes God’s word empty.

The man made a religious promise, and he was honest about it. But the promise cancelled one of God’s commandments.

He cared for his mother from the cross

When Jesus was dying, he saw his mother and one of his disciples.

he said to his mother, “Woman, behold, your son!” Then he said to the disciple, “Behold, your mother!” From that hour, the disciple took her to his own home.

John 19:26–27 · World English Bible

In simple words: He said to his mother, “Woman, here is your son.” Then he said to the disciple, “Here is your mother.” From that time, the disciple took her into his own home.

The very next verse says that everything was now finished (John 19:28). Jesus completed his work, and he made sure that his mother had care. He could not do it himself. So he arranged it.

His apostles made it a rule for the churches

Paul wrote to a church leader. If a widow has children or grandchildren,

let them learn first to show piety toward their own family and to repay their parents, for this is acceptable in the sight of God.

1 Timothy 5:4 · World English Bible

In simple words: they must first learn to serve God by caring for their own family. They must give back to their parents. This pleases God.

But if anyone doesn’t provide for his own, and especially his own household, he has denied the faith, and is worse than an unbeliever.

1 Timothy 5:8 · World English Bible

In simple words: If a person does not give his own family what they need, and above all the people of his own house, he has turned away from the faith. He is worse than a person who does not believe.

Families must care for their own widows, so that the church does not have to carry the cost (1 Timothy 5:16).

“But Jesus said to hate your father and mother”

He did. In older Bibles the word in Luke 14:26 is “hate”. Jesus also said that a person who loves father or mother more than him is not worthy of him. He said that families would be divided because of him. And his first disciples left their father in his boat.

This is the strongest argument against this page, and most of it is true. Christ comes first. If you follow him, you may lose your family’s approval, your plans, your place at home, and even a funeral.

But look at what each of these sayings asks you to give up. It is always something of your own: your first loyalty, your presence, your comfort, your life. Not one of them tells you to stop supporting a parent who depends on you.

Look at James and John, who left their father. Mark adds a small detail. They left him “in the boat with the hired servants” (Mark 1:20). He was not alone, and he was not without help.

The cost of following Jesus falls on the person who follows. If your parents are the ones who pay for your ministry, you have not taken up a cross. You have given it to them.

The church understood this long ago.

• Thomas Aquinas, in the 1200s, wrote about a man who wants to become a monk. If his parents cannot manage without him, he must not leave them. To leave them and trust that God will provide would be “to tempt God”. In simple words: to test God in a wrong way.
• Martin Luther, in the 1500s, said that it is better than all the holiness of the monks to serve your parents and provide for them “when they are old, sick, infirm, or poor”. (“Infirm” means weak.)

A rule you can use

1. Christ first. No wish of your family can stop you from following him. Their approval cannot, your presence at home cannot, and custom cannot.
2. Their needs are God’s command. No religious promise cancels them. That was the Corban mistake.
3. Arrange before you go. If your calling takes you away, make sure that their care is really in place. Jesus did this from the cross.
4. The cost is yours. Give up what is yours. Do not give the cost to a parent who did not choose it.
5. Nobody else decides it for you. Someone may tell you that your calling means leaving a parent without the care he needs. That is exactly what Jesus spoke against.

Six situations

All six were made up by this page. Is each one costly but right? Is it the Corban pattern? Or can we not say yet?

What is really proved?

Check it yourself

1. Read Matthew 8:18-23 and Luke 9:51-62. Ten minutes. Read the saying with the verses around it.
2. Read Mark 7:9-13. Five minutes. See what Jesus says about Corban.
3. Read John 19:25-30. Five minutes. See what Jesus does for his mother.
4. Read 1 Timothy 5:3-16. Five minutes. The rule for the churches.
5. Ask one question about your own family. Is there a parent who depends on you? If your work for God takes your time or your money, is that parent’s care really in place?